


X&Y

by templemarker, towardstheair



Category: Glee
Genre: Community: pod-together, F/F, M/M, Podfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-11
Updated: 2011-07-11
Packaged: 2017-10-21 06:59:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/222223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/templemarker/pseuds/templemarker, https://archiveofourown.org/users/towardstheair/pseuds/towardstheair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trying hard to speak and Fighting with my weak hand. Driven to distraction, so part of the plan - when something is broken and you try to fix it - trying to repair it, any way you can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	X&Y

  


DOWNLOAD  
[MP3](http://pod-together.parakaproductions.com/2011podfic/Glee-X%20&%20Y%20by%20clare_kay%20and%20templemarker.mp3) OR [M4B](http://pod-together.parakaproductions.com/2011podfic/Glee-X%20&%20Y%20by%20clare_kay%20and%20templemarker.m4b)

**the hardest part -dave**

Dave likes to think that they are building their way to some kind of friendship. It doesn't surprise him that Kurt has managed to smash through every other friendship he has ever had and make them look fake in comparison. Sure, it's easy with Azimio, he can put a smile on his face and ignore the awkward moments when Az doesn't really know what to say. He can elbow him and tell him to get his head out of his ass and carry on with their Halo tournament. He can pretend it doesn't bother him that everyone acts a little differently around him now, it's easy to pretend.

It's also a huge sense of relief when he can let down that guard and not have to. Kurt doesn't let him, it's not even like he tries either. Sometimes Kurt will look at Dave and he'll be spilling his feelings and things that have pissed him off and Kurt just _nods_. Taking in each and every word and making Dave feel like it's okay to be so damn angry some days, and to want to hide away on others. There's just no judgement there, just Kurt; his kind eyes and strong hands clinging onto his.

He has never really felt this level of jealousy, it's not something he really knows what to do with. It's not even justified. Dave doesn't have a claim over Kurt and who he talks to, who he is friends with and especially who he dates. It doesn't help that Blaine always looks so perfect all the damn time, smiling and laughing, touching Kurt way too much and making Kurt's eyes scrunch up in that cute adorable way they do when he smiles. Kurt never really said that much about his and Blaine's break up, only that things just didn't work out and sometimes people are better as friends. Dave just nodded, mostly because his whole relationship experience comes down to one fake relationship with Santana.

He should walk away, actually, he should stop hiding round the corner of the lockers and just go walk up to Kurt and meet him like they had planned. But Blaine is like repellent for Dave, he always feels awkward around him, on edge and angry like he wants to put that pretty face of his through a brick wall. He knows Kurt senses it, of course he does, Kurt is smart and he watches Dave now, close and intently. It used to unnerve him, now he just finds it strangely comforting, that Kurt cares enough to make sure he is okay and keeping himself in check.

Dave looks away, finally, he pulls his eyes away and rests his forehead against the locker. It's bad enough that he was already nervous about tonight. Kurt had just casually looked up from his French homework and suggested they go see a movie, Dave's choice because Kurt can pick next time. Dave didn't even know what to say, so he just nodded and that was that. He has been repeatedly telling himself that it isn't a date, friends go out for movies all time. He peeks his head around the locker, and Blaine is holding onto Kurt's arm, fingers gripping in soothingly and they are standing way too close for Dave's liking, so much that he is seriously considering going over there and pulling them apart. Then he sees the look on Kurt's face, he looks sad, unsure... Dave has flashbacks of the look in Kurt's eyes when he would slam him against the lockers or shove into him, it's an echo of the same look and this time instead of being the one who put it there he wants to be the one to take it away.

Blaine's hand drops and he leans in close to whisper something in Kurt's ear and then he is walking down the corridor. Kurt remains still for a few moments, staring down at the ground, his face serious. His eyes flicker up briefly, glancing down the corridor in Dave's direction, before he can hide behind the locker and avoid being caught staring, Kurt's eyes lock with his and the sadness and seriousness are gone. It's just a brilliant bright smile, one that he can't help returning.

 

**what if – rachel**

Rachel should stop doing this, there is absolutely nothing at all for her to gain from torturing herself this way. It's been going on for long enough now for her to stop questioning how she feels, it doesn't stop the uncertainty filtering through, that feeling in the pit of her stomach that she just isn't good enough. Especially now as she watches Quinn walk down the hallway, her arm linked with Finn's, looking as perfect as she did first thing this morning. There's no need for comparison, she knows there is nothing going on between Finn and Quinn. Rachel understands that, but she can't help but feel that Quinn will realise there is something else and something better. Someone better than her.

It was so much worse before, that's all that Rachel can relate it to now, _before_. Before she felt her feelings for Quinn shift, before Quinn moved in close and kissed her, both of them shocked like they had both realised the truth behind all their growing tension. It was worse because it had been hidden behind jealousy and desperation to be as popular as Quinn, as pretty as Quinn. It doesn't matter if Quinn tells her how beautiful she is, it's not that Rachel doesn't believe her, but it's hard to dismiss years of feeling not quite good enough.

There's absolutely nothing between Quinn and Finn, even if Quinn likes to keep Finn hanging on, to keep up appearances to the school population. She tells Rachel that it's necessary, they need to avoid suspicion. Rachel thinks they could make out in the cafeteria and no one would believe it. Rachel was happy to play along, mostly because the feelings were such a shock to her and she was trying to process everything while being blissfully happy to have someone look at her the way Quinn does. Nothing seems quite enough now though, she feels like everywhere she looks there are people walking around school holding hands and stopping right in front of her so she can get a perfect view of them kissing. It was never an issue before, she never realised how much she took that for granted, the freedom and acceptance to just be able to do that. She thinks back to many conversations she has had with Kurt where he would tell her how much he wanted to be able to walk down the hallway hand in hand with a boy or kiss him goodbye before class. It's only now that Rachel can feel like she _really_ relates.

She has thought about telling Kurt so many times, keeping the secret is the hardest thing she has ever had to do and she just wants someone to understand. If someone knows it will become more real, it will seem like there is some kind of future; right now it seems like her and Quinn are just doomed to fail. Quinn catches her eye as she laughs at something Finn has said. Rachel lets their eyes lock, refusing to look away. She can see the natural affection in Quinn's eyes and usually it's enough for the day. It's enough to make her smile and look away, head to her next class. This time she just shakes her head, disappointed. The last thing she sees on Quinn's face before she turns the corner is confusion.

 

**a message – kurt**

Kurt's plan had been working so well; it mostly consisted of him ignoring all his feelings and hoping they would go away. Stupid teenage hormonal feelings make his head all fuzzy and confuse him to the point where he can't sleep at night and when he does, he wakes up to dreams leaving him hot and the sheets bunched round his ankles. He is not going to think about them, not at school, not at home, not ever. It's all been working perfectly well until Blaine catches him staring.

To be fair, Kurt hadn't exactly realised he had been staring for quite so long. But Dave was doing that weird scrunched up face thing he does when Santana talks to him. Like she is saying something he really does not want to hear. And he looks cute, and there is his brain betraying him again. What makes the whole thing more infuriating is that Blaine's reaction is the exact opposite of what he expected; he is supportive and encouraging. The most infuriating thing though, is that Blaine seems to find the whole thing unbelievably adorable.

Apparently, the etiquette for when you break up with someone doesn't apply to Kurt and Blaine. Blaine says it's because they were such good friends before they were in a relationship. Kurt just thinks that Blaine is so easy going he may as well be horizontal, so it's hard to feel any anger or bitterness. And their break up was so lame. It was of “I think we make much more sense as friends so let's just do that, yeah?”.

So he spent all of last night texting Blaine when he should have been ignoring his feelings. The problem is... it's not that there is any awkwardness between him and Dave any more, quite the contrary. He and Dave have a natural easiness between them, he feels like they shift around each other, both knowing what the other one means when they can't quite vocalise it. It caught him off guard the first few times it happened; now he expects it, he _aches_ for it.

It's how he ends up staring like a crazy stalker; every day without fail, he'll manage to seek Dave out and just watch him. It's so freaking creepy, even Blaine agrees with him on that. Mostly because he says that if Kurt just told Dave how he felt he would be able to stare at him freely without feeling like a total weirdo. It's not even like he and Dave don't spend time with each other every day. They study and go to the movies and it's all really easy and normal. Sometimes he thinks Dave must realise how much the whole thing is eating Kurt up from the inside. But David, is all calm and casual, laughing along with Kurt's jokes and just being generally this amazing person he has come to need in his life.

Today, there’s something different as he lurks around the corner, he sees Santana; she has her hand on David's back, patting it lightly. He can only see David's profile but he can tell he looks sad; he is frowning and his eyes look down on his full plate of food. Santana moves closer, and he knows it's completely irrational, because the amount of conversations he has had with David that confirm his sexuality are countless, but he can't help it. He wants Santana with her short skirts and pretty hair to move the hell away from David.

“What are we looking at?” Kurt yelps as Blaine rests his head on his shoulder. “Oh, of course. David.”

“I was looking at Santana, actually.”

“Right. Cos she is so your type?” Blaine moves away and leans against the door frame opposite him. “Will you just talk to him already?”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” Kurt holds his head up high. Still staring, mind you, at Santana's stupid patting hand. Kurt huffs. “Does she have to sit so close? I mean really?”

Blaine's eyes widen and Kurt knows he is biting his lip to stop himself from laughing. “You do realise that they are not each other's types like... at all. Your irrational jealously is so...”

“If you say adorable I will slap you in the face Blaine Anderson.”

Blaine holds his hands up. “Okay, I won't. I still think you should tell him how you feel. What are you so afraid of? I know it's not him, not anymore...”

“Please, I don't think I could stand it if you got all insightful on me again. I'm dealing with this in my own way.”

“And by dealing you mean ignoring your feelings, staring at him around corners and just generally hoping the whole thing will go away?”

“It works for everyone else!” Kurt throws his arms up dramatically. He appreciates a good scene in the hallway and turns around quickly, stalking off arms flamboyantly swinging at his sides. It doesn't go unnoticed that he hears Blaine mutter “ _oh please_ ” as he stalks off. Blaine is stupid and doesn't understand Kurt's flair for the dramatics.

 

**x & y – quinn**

There's no way this situation will end well. Quinn knows that, she knew before the whole thing even started. It should have made her stop this a long time ago... it was like she was in the middle of the whole thing before she even realised it. Rachel has this pouty face that leaves her feeling incredibly guilty and she was quiet last night. Usually it's hard to get Rachel to shut up, she talks about what songs she wants to sing in Glee club and what she thinks would be the perfect duet to perform at Regionals.

Quinn _knows_. Of course she does. It's been obvious from the start. Rachel may have not let it show straight away but she always knew that it would end up with one of them wanting more. It's not even that Quinn doesn't want that. But this is high school and she wishes she didn't give a damn what people think, that she didn't care what her mom would think. What is she going to do? Bring home Rachel and announce her as her prom date? No. Just no. It doesn't matter how much she wants that, that she can picture it in her mind so clearly. The fall out and reactions of other people are so clear to her, so vivid that they keep her awake at night. The fear that someone will even find out.

Rachel rarely goes to study in the library. Usually, Quinn will go to her house after school and they will study together. But Rachel has been avoiding her calls, not looking at her in the hallway and considering how Quinn wants to keep this very quiet, she can't help but admit that she misses it. There's something in the way Rachel looks at her that makes her feel like the most important person in the room. The look in her eyes has been weak recently, flickering somewhere underneath too much resentment and anger.

Quinn doesn't know why she followed Rachel in here. Maybe because it's quiet at this time, and there will be no one around to see. Mostly it's because she just really misses Rachel.

She sits down opposite Rachel at the table, her books spread out everywhere. Quinn takes out her own books and arranges them neatly in front of her. She looks up quickly and spies Rachel staring at her and looking away quickly. Quinn smirks in triumph.

“What are you doing here, Quinn?” Rachel speaks without looking up.

“Studying.”

Rachel throws her pen down. “You never come here to study.”

“What did I do?” Quinn whispers, leaning in across the table. She reaches out her hand, letting it linger above Rachel's before pulling it away.

_“That_. That is what you did. What you always do.” Rachel sighs. “I know you don't want anyone to find out and... at the start I was okay with that. But...”

“Rachel. I...”

“It's okay.” Rachel is trying to hold back. Quinn can hear the way her voice breaks and it's so easy when they are alone. She knows what to do when it's just the two of them in Rachel's bedroom. She can pull Rachel in close and tell her everything is going to be okay. But she can't do that here and she can't make that promise.

“I can't do this anymore, Quinn. It's not that I don't... because I do. I just, I don't want to feel this way and I don't want to kid myself that someday... that someday you'll be proud of being with me. I know I'm not...”

Quinn hates this; she should stop this right now because it's killing her to see Rachel believing that it's about her not being enough because that is such a lie. Rachel is perfect just how she is and Quinn is weak. Quinn stares at Rachel's face for the longest time; she knows Rachel is waiting for a response, for some kind of desperate plea. Quinn can't find the right thing to say, she just watches as Rachel packs away her things slowly and gets up. She casts one look over her shoulder and then she is gone.

 

**fix you – dave/kurt**

Kurt rarely has random outbursts of anger but apparently when he does he really needs to remember to keep himself in check. This particular occasion ended with Blaine pulling him off Azimio Adams for calling Dave a “stupid fag”. He has heard a hell of a lot worse from Adams' mouth and most of it directed at him, but the anger he felt at hearing those words directed at Dave was very much overwhelming.

The smirk Blaine gives him as he finally lets go of Kurt's arm doesn't go unnoticed. Also, without saying a word Blaine points to the choir room and smiles before walking down the corridor and helping Becky with her book bag.

It's hard to spot Dave sitting on the floor in the corner of the room, mostly because he is curled into himself and attempting to pull out his hair with his hands. Kurt sits by his side, leaving a little distance. He would love to close it and sit close by his side and put his arm around Dave's shoulder. But Dave has been struggling with Adams' reaction to his news for months now. From what Kurt could get out of Dave, hadn't been angry or aggressive he just point blank told Dave that they were no longer friends. He didn't think it could get that much worse for Dave. He had seen the sadness in his eyes when Dave told him that, but now this, realising that someone he once called a friend could just turn his back so easily was heart-breaking.

“I think this is karma.”

“What?”

Dave looks up, his face serious. “I was awful to you, to so many other people and this... it's what I deserve...”

“I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.”

“It's true, Kurt!”

“No it's not, David!”

Now Kurt is pissed off because he thought Dave had gotten past the self-deprecating bullshit. Kurt forgave him a long time ago and he wishes Dave would be able to forgive himself. “Does it look like I blame you? That I'm still angry with you? I'm not David, we're past that. And _this_ , this is all on Adams'. It's his ignorance. I wish that he would have accepted you, I really do... maybe one day...”

Dave shakes his head. “No. Not any day. You only caught the end of what he had to say to me. He was so nice to inform me that I'll burn in hell.”

Kurt clenches his fists and ignores the urge to run out of the room and hunt Adams down. Instead he takes a deep breath and nudges Dave's shoulder slightly. “Guess I'll see you there?”

Dave smiles slightly, it not reaching his eyes at all. “I just wish I could make him understand that... that I'm still me, you know?”

Kurt nods. “Yeah, I do know.”

“Why is it so easy with you?” Dave shrugs. “You know what I mean? Like, I don't need to explain myself or I don't know... I'm not good with this stuff but I just feel like you don't need me to explain every single thing that somehow you just get it.”

Kurt does get it. He really does, he feels it every time they talk and it should feel weird or awkward considering their history but it just doesn't. Kurt reaches over and grabs onto Dave's hand, entwining their fingers tightly. “I do understand; I feel that too.”

Dave smiles again and this time it's brighter. Kurt can't help but return it, he wants to lean in and hug him but he still doesn't know what Dave expects in this situation and if he would be okay with that. It turns out that Kurt's brain and body don't exactly work in sync with each other because he is leaning in before he can stop himself. He awkwardly reaches his arms around Dave's waist and clings on, squeezing him perhaps tighter than needed. He feels Dave tense under the contact but it lasts not even a second and Dave is relaxing into it. He moves his arm around Kurt to pull him closer, one hand toying with the hair at the nape of his neck.

It's so easy to forget where they are or to work out how much time passes. But they stay like that until they hear the bell ringing and even then, they reluctantly pull apart.

 

**til kingdom come -rachel/quinn**

Quinn has been chasing Rachel through the corridors, rushing past the groups of people crowded around their lockers. Rachel isn't even looking over her shoulder as she storms away, and Quinn just wants to get to her and tell her that it really wasn't what it looked like at all. It's just typical sucky timing that she would walk in the moment she had told Finn everything about her and Rachel and then he had pulled her into a hug. Cue Rachel walking in.

“Rachel, _please..._ ”

Rachel stops abruptly and turns around. “What? It's none of my business. If you and Finn...”

“Finn and I are not together I was... I told him. I told him about you and me and how I've been a complete mess without you this past week. How I've missed you every day and... he hugged me because I was sad not because we're together. He's my friend and I didn't know who else to talk to because I needed help figuring out what to do...”

“I don't need to hear this, okay. It's over. So there isn't anything to figure out. I just let my jealously... it's fine. You don't need to lie anymore.”

“Exactly. I don't want to lie anymore.”

Quinn isn't ready to just grab hold of Rachel and just kiss her in the hallway in front of everyone, even though she wants to, wishes she was strong enough to do that. Instead, she reaches out her hand and Rachel stares down at it blankly.

_“Please, Rachel.”_ Quinn doesn't know what else to say. She only hopes the way Rachel looks at her is a good sign and not that she is about to bolt again. “I know I'm not perfect and I don't have everything figured out but... I need you in my life.”

Rachel lets out a heavy sigh. Her eyes fixed on Quinn's hand again. Quinn can see Rachel's arm moving slightly, her hand clenching into a fist and then relaxing again. Quinn should be able to hear all the voices in the corridor, the sound of lockers slamming and the footballs players jeering and laughing. But she can't make anything out at all; she just feels the anticipation of whether Rachel will reach out and hold onto her hand.

She blinks and her resolve is slowly fading, she's about to let her arm drop and give up and let the world fall back in but then suddenly Rachel is there, her hand gripping on tightly and the distance between them is so small. Rachel tucks a stray curl behind her ear and smiles, tugging Quinn along.

If anyone stares, or makes a comment, Quinn doesn't see or hear a thing.


End file.
